Governmentium

I thought this was worth repeating in a blog!

The CSIR has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 35 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

Ride to Nowhere

It's the name of a mountain bike race. I like it - but if it were strictly accurate, I guess it might be called "The Ride around nowhere".

You see, many more enlightened folk have given up the stressed, humdrum, over-hyped 9-5 mad rush of the cities, for a more elegant genteel living in this place I like to think of as "nowhere". Others have retired here and are living what I fondly think of as "life no.2". And latterly, the mountain biking fraternity have discovered the joys of McGregor, finding it to be a wondrous place to get out into nature, with wonderful. happy, hospitable people.

Hmmm  free range eggs, bacon, rolls, pancakes. If you have to eat eggs, make them free range!

And so this weekend was "the ride to nowhere". And once they had ridden to nowhere in their cars, they rode around nowhere on their bikes - and loved it.

First Ladies Arrive

Overall Race Winner (First Man Home)

We love nowhere - it has no traffic lights and many houses have no street numbers. I take savage pleasure in telling the cellphone companies that they're just going to have to accept my address without a street number for RICA purposes - tough luck, but there you are - there ain't no street number, so get used to it. Many of the roads aren't even tarred. And on the other side of the village, there is a dirt road which heads 8km into the mountains - and then stops. Sometime around 1957, there was an attempt to extend the route across the mountain to Greyton. Then they ran out of money, and that's where it ended - dead end, sheer drop 300ft straight down into the gorge. I love it  - I'm glad they went bust.  I can't think of anything worse than having 2000 cars an hour haring through McGregor en route to the Southern Cape coast via Greyton. One of our less intelligent bozo local would-be politicians (aren't they all less intelligent?) had an election manifesto that if he got into office, he would extend the road and open a Kentucky Fried Chicken in the middle of the village to lure passing motorists. Idiot.

The charm of the place is its unspoiled beauty, its silence (when the locals are not having an "opskop" in the "oudorp" - but that's not a big issue), and its proximity to nature. A place where you can hear yourself think. I can't imagine living close to a plethora of articulated trucks and cars whizzing by. If we wanted that, we'd have moved to any of the large South African cities. And if you happen to have been born here, and think the answer is in great wealth and power. It isn't - but if you think it is - go to Johannesburg, do not pass "Go", do not collect R200.

And so they came, and rode, and enjoyed, and everyone seems to have had a good time. Come anytime. Enjoy. Leave your wallet. And then please go and leave us to the silence. We can't have "Joburg by the mountains", can we?

Letters From Earth

I was poring through the internet the other day and stumbled across one of Mark Twain's (Samuel Clements) writings - Letters From Earth, originally written in 1909. It's a relatively short piece and I enjoyed it immensely.

Effectively, what Charles Darwin and latterly people like Dan Dennett, Christopher Hichens, Richard Dawkins etc. have done to develop our knowledge of evolutionary biology, and in the process expose the myth of religion,  Mark Twain did brilliantly with this piece in the early 20th century. He adopts a stance of belief in the bible, exactly as it is written - and then goes on to satirically demonstrate the ridiculousness of the proposition that the bible as a work can be taken with anything other than a giant grain of salt - purely because believing it literally, just produces so many outrageous conclusions.

As one reader put it :  "Dripping with sarcasm about religion, it would make Christopher Hitchens proud. Although, Mark Twain was much less rude than Hitchens, I suspect that Hitchens enjoyed this book as much as I did..."

I expect that if the average bible-believing reader applied their minds critically to the texts they were reading, they might themselves start to see that all wasn't kosher in the (Un)holy lands of yore, or the text that purports to be a god-inspired true account thereof. But that would mean there would be considerably fewer bible-believing readers, wouldn't it? Maybe that's not a bad thing.....

I wonder if it might be possible to convince any of them to actually read this text and give it some thought?

Ta-Ra! Fanfare of trumpets from the heavenly host! Enjoy Letters From the Earth

Another 911 Rolls By

Time flies - mostly when you're having fun, but even if you're not.

And for many American families, they have not had a lot of fun over the past 11 years, remembering the loss of their loved ones on this particular day.

And sadly, they console themselves with seeking out a guilty party, somewhere in the hot and dusty reaches of the Middle Eastern states, while their nation wages an unremitting "War on Terror" which seems to have no end - or more pessimistically - will end only once the US has achieved its objectives. These objectives seem to imply exerting control over every Middle Eastern state, either directly through military means, or indirectly through establishing "friendly" governments who can be relied upon to toe the American line.

Whereas, all indications are from a growing host of professional experts both in the US and abroad, that the whole 911 theatre (that's what it was - tragic theatre), was orchestrated by the then US government and it's security agencies in conjunction with Mossad, and is of course being used ongoing by the current administration to achieve its international objectives.

There are just too many pieces of the puzzle that don't fit the official "explanation" - or more accurately, do entirely uphold what is not longer a theory but more of an accurate assertion that the US government "done it". There is just too much corroborating evidence pointing at the White House and its security agencies as needing "a 2nd Pearl Harbour" (their statement, not mine) to motivate public opinion to support an American assault on the Middle East.

Incidentally, I'm amused at the definition of 911 Conspiracy : " 9/11 conspiracy theories are conspiracy theories that disagree with the widely accepted account that the September 11 attacks were perpetrated solely by ..bla bla etc". 

I think the more widely accepted facts these days are that the official explanation is too implausible to be believed and that all the facts support a government cover up and complicity in orchestration.).

How short our memories are : the assassination of JFK was "perpetrated solely by" ....Lee Harvey Oswald - except that none of the forensic evidence that hadn't been destroyed upheld the government account, and the bullet-riddled street signs in downtown Dallas were expeditiously removed ASAP by the cleanup teams soon after. And in 1985 (/6 ?) a US court upheld a verdict that the CIA was instrumental in the death of JFK. 

And lest we forget the assassination of Martin Luther King Jnr which was "perpetrated solely by" ...James Earl Rey - who died in prison. Even though the ballistics from the weapon he was purported to have used, didn't match the slug taken from the victim. Nor that it was impossible for him to finish the hit, conceal the weapon and get from his upstairs room down to the outside lobby where his belongings had been carefully left to be discovered, in the time available. Or that the tree growing outside the window where he is supposed to have fired the fatal shot, was so positioned that it would have been almost impossible for it to have succeeded. No matter! Name and blame and stick to the tale through thick and thin and the problem will go away!

Easier than admitting the CIA/FBI and government security arm did this, that, and all the rest of it. Why, they'd all lose their jobs and go to jail, and the US would fail in their bid to dominate the world - we can't have that, can we?

The facts are easy to find, as are the experts. There are dozens of sites. No excuse. Start with these links and follow the trail, if you have the courage and conviction to examine the evidence in an unbiased fashion.

www.911proof
911 Archive
Architects & Engineers for 911 Truth
Pilots for 911 truth

And have a look at the following,  by Dr Paul Craig Roberts a former Assistant Secretary of the Treasury, for Economic Policy
911 : Doubts Were Immediate

I sincerely hope the broad based American people will one day rise up en masse and demand that their government come clean, and thereby lay the ghosts of the past finally to rest. The survivors deserve no less.

Open Letter to DSTV

OK OK - I'm always grinding my teeth about the bollocks they dish (pun intended) up on DSTV, and how they never get tired of telling us how wonderful they are. 

So finally, I'm doing something about it. In response to (another) stupid mail from DSTV / Multichoice telling us all the wonderful things they're doing, monkeying about with the channels, they're introducing more new channels - for premium DSTV subscribers only (of course). So - I gave my teeth an extra grind, and this is what I came up with. Feel free to clap and add your voice in acclaiming the stupidity and greed of DSTV.

(Come to think of it, it's a wonderful misnomer : "multichoice". Should be "Hobson's choice")

I've blanked the expletives to protect those of tender disposition who read my blogs (not that anyone who likes to read my blogs, should have a tender disposition of course, but one never knows)


Dear Collins 

What a ridiculous f*** nut you are, and what a stupid f***ing organisation you work for. And the most stupid of all are the bloody silly DSTV clients who continually seem to support you, by ogling blankly at the 55th rerun of the same f**king dumb movie  /repeated documentary (instead of showing some of the many others available) / repeated sitcom ad-nauseam (like "all in the family" which, I grant you, is only about 32 years old) / repeated "best of the week" (what a joke) which you use as an excuse to fill up weekend screening with repeats /repeated this, repeated that, repeated repeats phu*k it. Silent f.

Get a grip - you lot are a sad excuse for "entertainment". The only reason I have a dish is because the bloody reception is so poor in this part of the country that in order to see anything at all, it has to be via satellite - even sad little SABC TV (which I actually think is one and the same as DSTV - they have all the hallmarks of being the same organisation with the same dumb reruns). 

We started with DSTV premium. Then when we found it to be nothing more than endless crap. Like "Have a look up Pam Anderson's ass on "E" for entertainment, or maybe Zone reality let-me-examine-your-bowel-movements at the spa of embarrassing diseases - or maybe "my life as a drain unblocker" or whatever you f*#king call it), or other crap like American Pie 643 (the other 642 preceding it were crap too), or Aw Shit it's f*#king Schuster (again), or There's yet Another f*#king Zulu on my stoep for the 55th time who doesn't want to go away and thinks he has squatting rights, or "I still think I know you think I know I know I know what you think you know I did last summer" (you don't actually have a clue what I did last summer, but there's no convincing you that you don't, you clueless dumb shit), or crap like Muhummad Ali beats the shit out of George Foreman (again) in Zaire on your apologetic "call back the past" sport channel, or strongest man from 1953 held in outer Mongolia. Or maybe crap like a whole f#*king month of the goddam Tour de France (haven't you worked it out yet - watching bike riding is oh-so- boring, like watching paint dry. They all diddle around playing follow my leader for 273 miles and then sprint like hell in the last 150 yards. Gimme strength. And your documentaries are a yawn. We saw all of them in the first 6 months that we were premium subscribers, and the we started saying "didn't we see this before?"  - and we were right - we had. There are a zillion great doccies out there, if you bunch of clueless ar$eholes weren't such tightwad shitheads, being too mean to actually buy some decent programming. The $ sign is subliminal - I'm hoping against hope you get the message...

And then you spend hours showing us these ditzy stupid DSTV commercials - one after the other, telling us how fv<cking wonderful you are with A to Z's to try and make us believe you. Purely in the interest of brevity, I enjoy watching the stupid DSTV commercials once (note : ONCE), because they essentially take the best moments (there are very few best moments) in the last 10 years'  entertainment and cram them into 1 min 15 seconds. I therefore no longer need to watch the programs, because I've seen the good bits already. 

Here's an A to Z for your next advert 

A   Arseholes i.e all the DSTV viewers who support you arseholes

B   Bullshit which we dish up to you, the viewer

C   Crap - all of us at Multichoice and DSTV who take your hard earned cash in exchange for this. 

D   Dud Decoders which need daily resetting. Shit, just like the stuff we show you through them

E   Entertainment? Not really - More like Excrement. Or Extortion

F   Free to air - which never is on DSTV. Free = worthless, but even your worthless isn't free.

G  Gullible viewers

H  Hollywood channels you pay for on demand, instead of DSTV showing you for the money you already paid

I    Irritating - very irritating 

J   Joke. It's on DSTV - and the idiots who keep on paying you over and over and over and...geddit?

K  Knuckleheaded viewers.

L   Liars at DSTV who don't listen to the knuckleheaded viewers

M  Moronic programming

N   N is for Nothing (as usual) to watch on DSTV 

O  Oh god. Another evening of nothing to watch on DSTV. Alternatively 0 (ZERO - zilch)

P  Pay again please!

Q  Queriable Qontent  

R  Repeats - lots of them. I said REPEATS   A.K.A.  R is for Rip out what's left of my hair

S  Subscriptions which we'd like you to pay. See P

T  Twats - DSTV viewers - See A
U  Unfairly profiting from moronic viewers who put up with your shit

V  Very Irritating. Oh - I said Irritating under I didn't I? Irritating Irritating
W Waste of time watching

X   Xtra time available by not watching 

Y  ? Good question. Y exactly?

Z   ZZzzzzzz which is what DSTV makes me do

And then we have the latest stupid competition, apparently paid heed to by aforementioned dumbass DSTV viewers who actually think DSTV is great. You can see the Khumalos from Khatlehong or the Mbizi's from Maritzborough (or some other nameless git who I can never contact to find out if they actually exist and if they really did win a prize or not). Maybe it's all just fraud on your part? Instead of the promised prizes, why not spend some cash on programming?   

So - we then got rid of the premium subscription, because DSTV didn't get the point that if I pay them twice, I should not have to watch the same content twice - I should be able to watch new stuff the first time, and then get something new to watch second time etc. I mean, how would you like me to send you photocopies of my original monthly cheque payment, on the grounds that I'm sending a repeat copy of a payment in exchange for you showing repeat copies of something I've seen? Why pay you with more original hard earned cash, if you're not going to spend any of it on some new original viewing? 

So I downgrade to some other smaller amount monthly (approx R149 or whatever), and what do I get for it? Fv>k all, that's what. The Sky news channel is OK - the FIRST TIME each day. After that the news is continual rerun of the first lot of news - they must have been taking lessons from DSTV/Multichoice or whatever you call yourselves. The rest of the news is much the same, but for light relief we could watch Chinese news - but why would we want to? What's the point? F%#kall sport - that's reserved for those who you are ripping off to the hilt. On Sport 3 if you're a dumbf**k who pays mindlessly you can see nosepicking and flicking contests, or maybe even worse , the 17th different premier league football match of the day- or maybe italian league or brazilian league or whatever f#^king league you're trying to shove down our throats. What's the point of being a premium subscriber?  

What else f@*kall do we get for our money? Ah yes - I notice every really popular series got removed from MNET series so we can't watch it on our reduced package- like American idol or America's got talent, or the Apprentice or the boyfriend or whatever it was called. And what do we get in it's place? Dreck - designed to make us wish we had the premium version. I don't think so - we had it, remember? And we discovered that once you get over the hype, there's nothing to watch - the decent things we've seen and new decent things don't come on very often - but you can see the original stuff spiralling through the different channels as time passes. Yawn. Back to the umpteenth Net Geo Aircrash investigation repeat. Why have 70 (or 700, or 7000) channels, if 6999 of them are showing what used to be on the first channel 20 years ago - and at least 2000 of them are showing what was on the 1st channel last week/  month/ year / fill in time interval as appropriate ?

And then you have the temerity to send me some bullshit about your channel reshuffles and "extra" channels you're putting in for premium viewers. You have got to be out of your tiny, tiny mind. 

Now, how about pi$$ing off before I really lose my temper? Or better still, sod off to America's Hardest Prisons, since you seem to think they're so great.

yours uncordially etc.